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Summary

In this deeply personal episode, Françoise reflects on turning 50 and what it means to treat the birthday as a sacred threshold. Rather than viewing it through the lens of celebration or societal expectation, she invites us to see the birthday as a portal: a passageway between who we’ve been and who we’re becoming. With grounding breathwork, tender reflections, and a look at her own upcoming rebirthing ritual on the Mendocino coast, Françoise offers a fresh way to approach aging—with presence, meaning, and personal power.

Keywords

birthday ritual, sacred thresholds, turning 50, aging with meaning, perimenopause reflection, emotional self-care, intuitive rites of passage, midlife transition, feminine wisdom, personal growth, drum ceremony, grief and beauty, reclaiming aging

Resources & Links

• Rachel Crowe – Drum Maker: https://rachelcrow.co.uk

• Meditation Timer App: Online Zendo App (check your phones App store)

• Birthday Journal Prompts: 30 Day Birthday Countdown

Takeaways

• Birthdays can be treated as sacred transitions, not performative milestones.

• It’s okay to feel grief, reflection, and awe around aging—it’s all valid.

• You don’t have to follow the cultural script of parties or appearances.

• Reclaiming your birthday may involve stillness, ritual, solitude, or creativity.

• Marking time intentionally—through scent, journaling, nature, or sound—can deepen self-trust and emotional clarity.

• Let your birthday reflect who you are now—not who others expect you to be.

Chapters | Timestamps

00:00 Reclaiming Birthdays: A Personal Journey
10:39 The Birthday as a Portal: Transitioning Phases
21:50 Rituals and Reflections: Honoring the Past
27:54 Embracing Change: A Celebration of Self

Full Transcript

 

Hello and welcome to this very special episode, which is entitled The Birthday as a Portal. This is about reclaiming our birthdays and using them as a tool to usher us into the next phase of our life while we honor our past.

But before we begin, let’s just take a nice deep breath together. So inhale for the count of four. One, two, three, four. And exhale for the count of eight. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. Let’s do that one more time—this time I won’t count it out. Just inhale for four… and exhale for eight.

Okay, so we’ve now signaled to our body that we are safe. Let’s explore this interesting and multifaceted topic. This won’t be a long episode. And I have to admit, the reason I wanted to do it is because by the time you’re listening to this, I will be heading up the beautiful Mendocino coast in California to celebrate a long weekend for my 50th birthday.

As you can imagine, I’ve had a lot of thoughts going through my head—and I have to say, overall, it’s been a really beautiful experience. I’ve used this past month, starting on July 1 (it’s now the 18th; my birthday is the 26th), as a portal and an entryway into a really big birthday.

I want to acknowledge that as we get older, birthdays can become really complex. They can still be celebratory, but also much more contemplative. And for some, they can bring grief. It doesn’t have to be either/or—it’s often a mixed bag. And as we always say: to feel is to heal. Let yourself roll with all those emotions.

In our twenties and thirties, it was more like “Yay! It’s my birthday!”—a big celebration, getting dressed up, having dinner with friends. But now, at least for me—and for many others I know—birthdays feel deeper. And I think that’s a really wonderful shift.

I’ve noticed this especially among women. There’s a societal stigma around aging that can creep in. But here’s the thing: you don’t have to go there. I know someone who recently turned 40 and felt really down about it. She wasn’t working through it—she just felt her life was heading in the wrong direction. On the other hand, I have another friend turning 40 this month who’s throwing a big party, hiring a band she loves, and making it soulful and joyful. Everyone’s experience is different.

But culturally, we do carry a lot of negativity around aging. I was at dinner with someone I barely know, and when I mentioned my 50th birthday, he said, “Oh god.” And I thought, Don’t bring your stuff into my world. I’m doing something really meaningful. That comment said more about his worldview than mine.

So you have to figure out how you feel about it. And that may shift from day to day. But you don’t have to make it what society says it should be. If you’re happy about turning 45, 50, 55—embrace it. And if there’s grief or uncertainty, that’s okay too. Just do it your way.

For a lot of women I work with, especially in their mid-40s to 50s, there’s an urge to be quieter and more reflective around their birthday. You don’t have to put on the happy face and get dressed up. Maybe you want that. But maybe you don’t. And it’s powerful to give yourself permission to feel and want what you actually feel and want.

I think about it like this: my life is more than halfway over. My grandmother lived to over 100, but realistically, I’m beyond the halfway point. That naturally makes me more contemplative about what I want to bring forward and what I’m ready to leave behind.

If you have people pushing you to do something big—have a party, go out—remember: this day is about you. You don’t need to smile, host a dinner, or post anything unless you want to. Maybe you want to go on a retreat. Maybe you want to walk alone. Whatever it is, hold the space for yourself. That’s part of maturing beautifully—being able to articulate what you need.

Some people find that easy. Others are just beginning to learn how. If you’re not used to saying, “I need to do this my way,” then take a moment. Sit quietly. Tap into your inner voice. Listen without judgment. Start small. Say it out loud. That alone is growth.

Because when you stop caring what others think—that’s the turning point. That’s when the body relaxes. That’s when people begin to meet you differently. And if they don’t? Bye bye.

Now, let’s talk about the birthday as a portal. What is a portal? It’s an entryway, a bridge from one phase of life to the next. You can visualize it as a tunnel, a path, a transition. You’re stepping away from who you were. You’re not quite who you’re becoming. You’re in that in-between. And that space is powerful.

From a spiritual and personal growth standpoint, it’s a sacred time. We’re not in that space often—but birthdays bring us there. Our psyche becomes porous. Intuition deepens. We have access to parts of ourselves we don’t usually hear from.

If you’re not used to this kind of inner work, it might feel disorienting or raw. That’s okay. Let yourself be carried through it.

For me, this month has felt magical. Because I’m doing it intentionally. I feel like my allies, guides, and ancestors are all walking with me. 50 is momentous—not just societally, but personally. Half a century. That’s a long time. And I feel held.

One of the ways I’m moving through this portal is journaling. On July 1, I asked ChatGPT for birthday reflection prompts. I’ve been writing just a few lines each morning. I highly recommend it. You don’t need to write a novel. Just reflect. Let it be digestible and consistent.

It helps organize your inner landscape. It honors your lived experience. You can’t process everything in one day. Leading up to your birthday, lean into that space.

If you’ve ever been married, had a baby, experienced a major life event—you know that feeling in the days leading up to it. That something larger is holding you. Birthdays can hold that same energy. So honor it.

Let’s talk about reclaiming the day. That means letting go of the old scripts. No obligation to respond to everyone, to post, to smile. If you want quiet, solitude, nature—go for it. There’s a difference between celebrating yourself and honoring yourself. You’ve been through a lot. Mind, body, spirit. Let that be acknowledged.

Thank the version of yourself who got you here. Ask what this birthday wants to show you. What is the next chapter asking of you?

Here are some ritual ideas:

• A morning tea and bath with intention

• A short “medicine walk”—a reflective walk with a question held in mind

• Journaling prompts like “What is true for me now but no longer fits?”

• Lighting a candle and sitting in stillness—one minute per decade

• Visualizing your past selves and thanking them

• Choosing a scent or oil that grounds you—like cypress, rose, or frankincense

• Selecting a crystal, flower, or object that holds energy

The other day I found a gem store near my home I’d never noticed. I bought two crystal spheres, one rose quartz. That night I held one during a sound bath. I know now it will always hold the energy of this threshold.

And now, I want to share the ritual I’ve planned for my actual birthday.

I’m going to the beach where I lived when I was 17—my first real experience of home. It’s calling me back. Early that morning, I’ll do a rebirthing ceremony. I ordered a shaman drum from Rachel Crowe (linked below). It’s stunning. I haven’t played it yet—Rachel told me to wait. The first time you play it, you’re waking it up.

So I’ll bring the drum, some sage given to me by my mentor Cathy Skipper, and I’ll drum through my birth time in silence. I’ll let whatever comes, come. I’ll wear a special scent—maybe my aged patchouli—and I’ll bring myself into this new year of life the way I choose.

Later, I’ll relax. There’s a sauna at the house we’re renting. We’ll hike. Mendocino is beautiful.

When I first arrived there at 17, I was scared and lost. I had left home. My friends and I landed on a beach with strangers. But they were kind. It’s now a state park. That beach changed my life.

And now I return, whole. With a beautiful life. And I’ll sit with that younger version of myself—the one who didn’t know what she was doing but knew she needed something more. And I’ll honor her.

So, dear listener—if you’re heading into a birthday, or holding space for someone who is, think about how to make it yours. Make it sacred. Make it meaningful. Not because you’re supposed to, but because you can.

Take your birthday. Make it yours.