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Summary

In this deeply personal episode, Françoise shares her own journey through perimenopause and midlife, offering honest reflections on physical symptoms, emotional shifts, and the spiritual growth that came from it all. She speaks candidly about challenges with boundaries, anger, skin issues, and sensory overload—and how understanding perimenopause changed everything. This episode is a powerful reminder that this transition, while often difficult, can lead to profound transformation.

Keywords

Perimenopause, menopause, sensory overload, righteous anger, midlife, skin issues, nervous system, vagus nerve, aromatherapy, herbalism, boundaries, trauma healing, lifestyle medicine, emotional resilience, self-care, empowerment, women's health, natural wellness

Resources & Links

• The Way Apothecary: https://thewayapothecary.com

• Search “vagal tone” on the site for blog posts and journal entries

• Learn more about Women’s Circle self-care products and protocols

Takeaways

• Perimenopause can be a powerful time of emotional and spiritual awakening—not just a collection of symptoms.

• Righteous anger, shifting boundaries, and emotional sensitivity are valid signs of transformation.

• Skin changes and nervous system dysregulation are often overlooked parts of the perimenopausal experience.

• Healing from trauma often becomes unavoidable during this phase, and therapy can be life-changing.

• Holistic support—including aromatherapy, nervous system work, and lifestyle changes—can bring a sense of calm and clarity.

• You are not broken. You’re evolving.

Chapters | Timestamps

00:21 – Welcome & Introduction
01:47 – Why this episode is different: personal storytelling
03:00 – First signs: circulation, thinning hair, resistance to the term “perimenopause”
07:10 – COVID, creativity, and subtle emotional shifts
10:55 – Increasing sensitivity to relationships and boundaries
14:38 – Anger, intolerance of drama, and guilt
17:25 – The move to the West Coast and rising stress
19:10 – Skin rashes, breakouts, and misdiagnosis
21:00 – Sensory overload and hypervigilance
23:00 – Despite all the tools, still struggling
24:30 – The course that changed everything: menopause and skin
26:00 – Creating formulas, diving into herbs, reclaiming power
27:15 – Therapy and healing trauma
28:25 – The spiritual and cultural meaning of midlife
29:00 – Ongoing protocol and lifestyle support
30:00 – From freaking out to freedom: the transformation
30:36 – Closing reflection, resources, and how to connect

Full Transcript

Françoise Decatrel (00:21)
Hello ladies, and welcome to The Way Home to Yourself, a space for women navigating perimenopause, menopause, and midlife with clarity, calm, and ease. My name is Françoise. I am a menopause coach, holistic guide, clinical aromatherapist, herbalist, and Reiki practitioner.

I'm also the founder of The Way Apothecary, where we embrace this transition as a time of empowerment—not as something to fix, but as a homecoming to yourself. We explore all phases of menopause through a mind, body, and spirit perspective. Each episode of The Way Home to Yourself offers gentle guidance, reflections, and practical tools to support you on this journey. I truly believe that this unique time in our lives is all about our journey home to ourselves. So, let's begin.

Françoise Decatrel (01:47)
Today's episode is going to be a little different. I wanted to share something personal—something that I hope will make you feel a little less alone and a little less isolated if you are struggling through perimenopause and the complexities of midlife. And when I say that, I don't just mean the physical manifestations of it; I also mean the emotional stuff, because a lot of women experience that too.

So I'm going to talk about a lot of different things today—anything from beauty to boundaries and on and on I'll go—because when it comes to perimenopause, our entire lives are relevant. Nothing is isolated from that. So, I decided to title this episode From Freaking Out to Freedom because I honestly feel that was what my own journey was about.

And I also want to share this with you because, as the founder of The Way Apothecary, I want you to know that it was a journey for me too. It's not like I woke up and everything was fine and I didn’t have a challenging perimenopause. No—as you'll see from my story, that's not true at all. But I did get myself, with effort, to a place where it's part of my life—and a very big one—but it's not a negative part of my life, and I don't see it as a bad thing at all anymore. In fact, I think it's been probably the biggest catalyst for growth in my entire life.

So, I think that's really important to share, because there is so much in the media—nonstop negativity. If you just Google “menopause” and look under the news tab, it’s one negative story after the next. And there are reasons for that, and I'm going to talk about those in future episodes, because I feel like that's a very important topic. But I wanted to give another perspective—how it can be turned into something that's actually very helpful for us.

So, I think I’ll start with when I began feeling like things were a little off. And it's funny, because I did not even think it was perimenopause at all. Looking back, now I know that’s what it was. I’m 49—I’ll be 50 in July—and when I started perimenopause, it was 10 years ago. I've been in it for a long time.

I’m very sensitive to what’s going on in my body. I'm an aromatherapist and herbalist, and that’s just how I look at things. If something's off, I ask myself, Hmm, what can I do to fix it? So, when I feel something, I'm going to acknowledge it. It's not like I'm just powering through life.

I remember it was when I was still living in New York. I noticed that my circulation was changing. I had this interestingly shaped couch—it was kind of like a crescent—and I would take naps on it all the time. And I started to notice that my arm would fall asleep. I had slept on this couch literally hundreds of times. I also noticed that my hair was getting a little thinner.

So, over dinner one night, I mentioned this to my husband, and he said to me, “Maybe you’re going through perimenopause.” And I tore this guy apart—we still joke about it. I was so offended. I was so mad. I think I yelled at him. Not really the smartest way to say it—but honestly, I think that was actually pretty observant of him. But I couldn’t even go there. I didn’t even want to think about it.

Eventually, we moved to Philadelphia, and that was a very creative time for me. It was during COVID, and despite how difficult COVID was for everyone, my business—Amayori, another body care line I’ve had for about a decade—really took off. It was beyond my wildest dreams. That kept me connected to people, and I also felt like I was contributing something helpful—just getting people out of the funk they were in.

So, it wasn’t really a bad time for me. I'm admittedly an introvert. Staying home, making big dinners, hanging around the house, going on a walk at night—I was okay with that lifestyle. But I started noticing certain things. And this is where we need to pay attention to perimenopause, because these are the things society doesn’t really talk about. We brush them under the rug. There’s no real understanding of them.

I noticed that suddenly my tolerance for people who weren’t in the best mental space—or who were draining or negative—was growing really short. I’ve had people in my life who are, let’s just say, a little eccentric. My mother and sisters are a little eccentric themselves, so I didn’t have strong boundaries when it came to people taking advantage or being emotionally exhausting. But I suddenly found myself very sensitive to that.

I remember during COVID, I was on a long phone call with a friend—we were having wine and talking—and I just remember hanging up and thinking, Oh my gosh, I need to take a bath or something after that. I had known her for almost 30 years and never had that reaction before. I always really enjoyed talking to her.

But I also noticed that I was becoming more opinionated about people. If I didn’t feel like someone was treating me well, or I didn’t vibe with them, I picked up on that immediately. It became very apparent to me, and I found myself being very selective about who I wanted to be around. I was getting very short with certain people in my life—especially family members I had issues with.

I remember speaking with them on the phone and feeling so much guilt because I just couldn’t tolerate the drama anymore. And this was after 40 years of brushing things off like, Well, that was kind of rude, but that’s just how they are. Suddenly—no. I had a physical aversion to drama. It was very confusing and made me angry. And I think that’s something else a lot of women experience.

But here’s the thing: the anger we feel during perimenopause is righteous anger. It should be honored. It’s about us—because of brain changes and everything we’re going through—deciding what’s right and wrong, just and unjust, deserved and undeserved. I didn’t know that at the time. I just felt angry—and guilty. I felt like I was being snappy to people I used to overlook.

Eventually, toward the end of COVID, my husband and I moved to the West Coast. I was really excited. I had lived in San Francisco before and was happy to go back. It was beautiful and a change—and we were all sick of being indoors. But I didn’t realize how big of a change it would be.

And at that time, I had a lot going on. A close family member was struggling with mental health, and it was an extremely stressful time. When we don’t deal with stress, it manifests in our bodies. I started breaking out in rashes—huge ones—all over my back. I went to a dermatologist who said it was poison oak, but I knew there was no way. I broke out in hives on my face, little bumps—it looked like acne, but worse. I never had acne like that. My face turned red.

Now, I wouldn’t say I’m vain, but I love beauty. My skin matters to me. It wasn’t great as a teen, and I had worked hard to get it where it was. Suddenly, it was falling apart, and I didn’t know why. It was scary and disturbing. Fridays were the worst—I’d think, Please don’t break out, I want to go out tonight.

To be continued in next message (due to length)...

Continued transcript cleanup:

Now on top of that, the area we had moved to in San Francisco—though the apartment was beautiful and I loved it—the neighborhood was really rough. And I'm sure, if you're in the United States, you've seen things on the news about San Francisco. All that bad stuff you see? I was literally one block away from it. Seeing that on a daily basis—nonstop—just looking out the window or stepping outside... it was really hard on me.

I realized, and I had no idea before because I’d never been in a situation like that, that I am not built for that kind of environment. I give social workers and mental health workers so much credit—I’m not equipped for that. It brought up a lot of unresolved stuff related to my own family, mental health challenges, and more. It was incredibly triggering.

I became really hypervigilant, and I didn’t realize at the time, but what I began to experience was something called sensory overload. It’s when your brain can’t process all the visual and auditory stimuli around you. It really put me on edge—if someone near me dropped something, I would jump. I was so on edge.

And here I was—keep in mind, I’m trained as a Reiki practitioner. I’m a certified yoga teacher, an aromatherapist, an herbalist. I had all these tools, and I was trying everything. I was meditating every morning, trying to calm down. And it did help take the edge off, because I was aware. But I was still really struggling. I felt like I was the most stressed out I’d ever been in my life.

I grew up in a very stressful household, and my whole adult life has been dedicated to removing myself from that constant high-energy, stressful state. And yet there I was, feeling it again. It made me feel really bad about myself.

One day, I was just doing an aromatherapy course online, and I noticed that the school I had trained with had a class on menopause and the skin. Since I was going through so many skin issues, I thought, Why not? Let me take this.

It changed everything for me.

I realized that the anxiety, the anger, the sudden awareness of boundaries, the skin rashes, the redness—everything I’d been experiencing—was because of perimenopause. And I thought, My gosh, okay. Here we are.

So I decided from that point on—and this is just me, but I’m the type of person who gets excited when I can use all my skills, even if I’m sick or if my husband has COVID—I just dive in. Same thing with perimenopause. I started creating formulas for myself.

Those formulas became the origins of the original Women’s Circle formula, which I later refined. I created self-care products for myself. I learned a lot more about the female endocrine system. I did a deep dive into herbs—how they work for hormone balance and anxiety. Working with those herbs gave me an edge.

And I decided to go all in. I suddenly felt like, Okay, I know what’s happening. And for me, that was a huge piece of the puzzle. Because for so many women, we have no idea. Our mothers didn’t talk about this. My mother didn’t say to me, “Hey, you might be going through perimenopause.” A doctor didn’t mention it. No one did. I was completely in the dark—and overwhelmed.

But when I realized what it was, and I started researching, I thought, Oh my God, this makes sense. Everything started to make sense—and that helped me calm down.

A huge piece of this time period for me was finding a therapist. I went to therapy because, as I mentioned, I was experiencing sensory overload. And as I got deeper into therapy, it uncovered a lot of childhood trauma that I hadn’t dealt with. I believe that for women who have trauma in their past, it will come up to greet you during perimenopause—because it wants to be healed.

So your relationships with those people who caused or witnessed that trauma may become tense. It’s your nervous system wanting to heal.

So, I did the work. I was in therapy for years, and it was incredibly helpful. My therapist specialized in trauma. She also did somatic work, EMDR, and brainspotting. And she was a woman around my age, so she really got where I was coming from. She listened without judgment.

And I think that’s important. If you’re going to find a therapist, make sure they’re aligned with you—someone who understands the little extra sensitivities we experience during this time.

Another thing that helped me was finding a mentor. The woman I studied with taught me so much about the spiritual aspects of menopause. That led me to explore how indigenous cultures approach menopause and what midlife means. I began to focus on that.

I am on a protocol—mostly, I use the Women’s Circle products. In fact, there are many more I’ve made for myself that I’ll be rolling out over the next year or so. I also use some herbs, and I’ve worked hard to reduce my stress level. That, to me, has been the most important piece.

I’ve eliminated relationships with toxic or draining people. Of course, sometimes you can’t control who you’re around, but eliminating certain people from my life was a way of showing my body and the universe: You’re moving into a new phase.

The things I did before didn’t work for me. Now there’s a new way.

That was really important to me.

I continue my meditation practice. After leaving San Francisco, I moved to the woods—which has been really great. But don’t be fooled—it wasn’t easy. I was terrified of spiders. If you move to the woods and you’re afraid of spiders, it’s not going to be an easy journey!

So yes, there are challenges. I’ve had friends say, It’s easier for you to be relaxed—you live in the woods. But there are blackouts, crazy weather, the occasional mountain lion—let’s just say, different issues. But creating a calm home environment, creating a sanctuary in my house, has been extremely healing.

I’m lucky to have a little meditation room. I spend time there daily. Sometimes it’s just having a cup of tea and staring out the window. But my point is: I went from freaking out to freedom. That truly is what happened.

And I would say the biggest lesson I’ve learned is this—and this is your takeaway from today’s episode:

Everything we experience in perimenopause—yes, we can say it’s hormonal and this and that—but it’s happening because we are changing. And if we don’t change our mindset, the way we approach the world, our bodies, our relationships, our choices—it’s going to be a struggle.

But when you go with that flow and open yourself to who you can become, the experience transforms. It goes from being torturous and feeling like an attack… to becoming something that truly supports you becoming your best self.

(Continued in final message…)

Final portion of the cleaned transcript:

If you’re in the thick of it, just know that you’re not broken. Your body knows what’s good for you, and it wants you to trust the process. It wants you to take care of yourself—not like, “Let me go to a spa once in a while and get my nails done,” but really take care of your mind, body, and spirit on a deeper level than you ever have before.

So let’s quickly touch on some of the other things I do to stay grounded and sane. Let’s start with grounding—because grounding is a really big part of perimenopause. We can begin to feel like we’re very much in our heads during this time. Every morning, I wake up and connect to the land I’m on. Just grounding down—feeling yourself being pulled to the earth.

If you want to work with an essential oil for this, you can use vetiver or patchouli, or a wood like cedarwood.

On that note, I’ll say aromatherapy has been a huge part of this journey for me. Beyond the Women’s Circle oils and products I make, just using aromatherapy for meditation and connection has been an incredibly important piece of the puzzle.

Finding female support—finding friends and women who understand where you're coming from—has also been vital. I have wonderful friends in their late 30s, but they don’t quite get it. When I found women who did understand, and I could talk openly about perimenopause, it made a huge difference. It was validating and exciting. So, surround yourself with women who are in the same place as you.

Nervous system work—working on our nervous systems and vagal tone—has also been a huge piece for me. The vagus nerve plays such a big role in the perimenopause experience, and by the time we get here, it’s pretty worn out and frazzled. We need to nurture it through various techniques. I cover those in a lot of other podcast episodes, and you can also find information on The Way Apothecary website—just search “vagal tone” and you’ll find some journal articles.

Setting boundaries. That has been huge. Probably the biggest thing for me. What you’ll find on this journey is that the thing you need to heal is the thing that pressures you the most. Where you feel most uncomfortable—that’s where you need to do the work.

Ritual work—I’m always doing some sort of ceremony out here in the woods. That’s been part of my spiritual practice. Being in nature. Getting the best sleep I can. Having a diffuser next to the bed helps, but also winding myself down before bed has become a really big part of my routine. Because sleep is crucial—not just in terms of feeling tired the next day, but in how your body restores and how you feel overall.

Eating healthy—and I can’t emphasize this enough. I don’t mean “healthy” as in pre-packaged veggie burgers or Impossible Burgers. I mean eating a whole foods diet, balanced with grains and lots of vegetables. I eat a plant-focused diet. I eat fish, and maybe dairy occasionally if I’m out.

Eating a plant-focused diet is huge. Supporting my liver has also been important. In emotional terms, especially in Chinese medicine, the liver is tied to anger. Keeping your liver supported helps your mood—and really, everything.

On that note: not consuming alcohol. Or if you do, just occasionally. Staying hydrated. Spending time on self-care. Using positive affirmations. It’s a whole lifestyle.

This isn’t just one of those things where, like in your 30s, you take a yoga class, then go out drinking, then bounce to something else. If you want to approach perimenopause holistically, you have to view it as a lifestyle. Everything you do—all your choices—should support you. You have to support yourself. Yes, others can help hold space, but you have to be your biggest supporter now.

And you can do it subtly. I’m not saying to walk around thinking about perimenopause all the time. But just realize you’re in a delicate time that requires extra love and care. So give it to yourself.

After all that, I hope something in here resonates with you. I hope you see some of your own story in mine. I hope you feel a positive direction opening up—and maybe even feel a little inspired. You might want to journal, rest, go on a walk, or reach out to someone to talk.

And I look forward to exploring our next episode together, where we’re going to deep dive into why on earth the media portrays perimenopause, menopause, and aging so negatively. That is a huge topic. It goes back so far. It’s really fascinating stuff.

Françoise Decatrel (30:36)
So thank you so much for joining me today on The Way Home to Yourself. I truly hope this episode offered you a moment of insight, calm, reflection, and support.

If you’d like to learn more about a holistic approach to menopause and botanically active self-care designed for this unique time in our lives, come visit me at thewayapothecary.com.

And if you’d like to submit a question or suggest a topic for the podcast, you can contact me through the website. Just put in the subject line: The Way Home to Yourself question, and I’ll do my best to include it in a future episode.

Thank you again, and I look forward to connecting with you in a couple of weeks for our next episode.

Until then:
Live your life beautifully.
Live your life calmly.
Speak your truth.
Stand in your power.
And never forget how far you’ve come in your life.

Take good care.