Perimenopause is a powerful time of growth and change. During this time, we are undergoing huge shifts in our physical, emotional, and spiritual selves. How on earth do we explain this to our partners, when we often feel confused ourselves?

Following are some tips and starting points for conversations that will open up the dialogue and lead to a better experience for both of you.

Just Say Something

Most women try to cover up the changes happening to them. It can feel awkward talking about perimenopause, as it is still somewhat taboo. It may also feel unattractive. We can't hide the changes occurring. Explaining the process to someone you care about will help you feel more grounded and stable. Talking releases some pressure. Stuck energy needs to be freed to flow.  Also, men see the same negative information about menopause in the media that we do. Having a conversation about perimenopause is also a time to claim your power. This is a time to set the stage on how you want to be perceived.

Rather than freaking out in private and then projecting your angst on others, try some of these sentences, to open up the conversation about perimenopause:

• "I know I seem like I’m changing rapidly these days. That's because I truly am changing into the woman I will be for the next phase of my life."
• "I know you like to fix things and solve problems. Perimenopause is one of those things that you won't be able to fix. It is a natural process and I need to go through it. This could take years. Where you can be helpful is through your patience, love, and support."
• "It’s hard to explain, but I am becoming the most empowered version of myself yet."
• "I know all this change is a lot for you. As you can imagine, it’s a lot for me too, so please be patient with me during this transition."
• "I know this is confusing for you. It's often confusing for me too. Please know that is a process with an end."
• "The way we relate will change. I am finding my own voice and coming from a different place these days. I’ll be as open as possible, but I’m not used to doing this, and this is new to me too."
• "Do you remember the hormonal ups and downs of puberty? Picture that, but this time, you know what’s happening."
• "I may need more alone time in the future. My entire life, I have focused on others. Perimenopause and menopause are the times when women naturally focus on themselves. I have to honor that and hope I have your support."
• "I know all these changes are difficult for you too. Please be open to hearing what I have to say, and I will do the same."
• "Thank you for holding space for me."
• "Let's be open about this and touch base often."
• "Someday, this will all make so much sense to both of us. Thank you for being here on this journey with me."
• "I know I seem distracted and have been forgetful lately. There is a reason for that, with lots of science behind it. When women go through perimenopause, their brains literally shrink. This is temporary. As you can imagine, it's frustrating for me too. Please give me the support, compassion and patience that I need to move through this."

This is just the beginning of creating a dialogue. It may seem awkward at first, but think about it if the shoe was on the other foot. Actually, it often is with men. They tend to keep to themselves when going through difficulty. We need to express ourselves, though. Not just for us, but for those around us, so that they can hold space and be compassionate.

Learning to speak up for yourself and create your environment is another one of the beautiful lessons we can lean into during this time of change.